Letter

Sometimes, I just don't know how to behave. I sincerely doubt my ability to cope up with everything. It seems so hard to understand everything that is happening around me.

After what happened last night, I honestly doubt that I deserve you. It's rather unnerving to think this way. Nevertheless, I do. Ever since you stopped talking, right after lunch, I have had the urge to shout, cry, fight and soothe. And all in just two or three hours. Then, I just felt numb. Right now, if you'd just leave, I'd be OK with it. Nevermind how I'd feel tomorrow. But today, this minute, this instant, I wouldn't mind. I would probably be relieved, actually.

I don't like feeling like this. Numbness is really not my thing. I like my cheery, easy-going manners. But you seem to surpass every nice feeling everytime you start bitching around. Especially because I fell in love with you because of that bitchy side. I love that bitchy side on you. But not when it strikes down with full anger. And I really don't appreciate it when it's not deserved. And I sure as hell didn't deserved it today. This morning.

And now I miss you. I miss your presence, your smile, your touch, even your bitchyness. I miss all that. And I had it just last night. I can't get enough of it. You seem to find yourself too proud to come by me, try to talk to me and understand what the hell went wrong. Or maybe you know exactly what went wrong and you're just ashamed of what happened. Or worst, you know what happened but believe that you're right! Well, let me spare you the suspense! You're not! Maybe neither am I, but there's no way you can get out of this for free. And we need to talk. Urgently! Come by me and talk.

PLEASE!